Devon Does Dallas

MMSR 5/14/24

My first draft of this transcript consisted of a loose comparison of the Second Round Colorado Avalanche to the Real Housewives of Dallas, a group of women who could go toe-to-toe with this Avs team in the drama department:

“Yikes, Devon, a stomach bug before the final home game? I bet his collagen injector took an extra weekend in Cabo, and he just doesn’t want the world to see his flat, flabby kiss blowers.”

“Stage III of the Player Assistance program for Big Val? I guess cocaine IS more dangerous than a Ukranian escort…” (NOTE: THE COCAINE, NOR THE ESCORT AND HER WHEREABOUTS HAVE EVER BEEN OFFICIALLY CONFIRMED BY AVALANCHE TEAM PERSONNEL OR THE NHL, BECAUSE THE LOCAL REPORTERS AND BEAT WRITERS ARE TOO GUTLESS TO DIG INTO THE MATTER, AND THE LEAGUE HAS A MAFIA-LIKE OMERTA CODE OF SILENCE ON SUCH ISSUES. THE BOYS HAVE NEVER BEEN SAFER IN ‘THE CLUB’).

Oh. The. DRAMA. We need something to get excited for to avoid the seemingly inevitable second-round exit in Dallas on Wednesday night, following an evening in which the hits just kept coming. Devon Toews was held out of the lineup due to an apparent sickness, although many fans suspected side-effects from the Jamie Benn hit.

But the real story was Val Nichushkin, tied for the most goals so far in the 2024 playoffs with 7 lamp-lighters to his name. Yes, big Val gets popped for a Stage 3 player assistance program violation, and continuing with the shroud of mystery that surrounds Big Val, we still don’t know what that really means. Here’s an ESPN summary of the program:

“A league source told ESPN that the NHL/NHLPA player assistance program has four stages. Stage 1 is the first in-patient treatment for which there is no penalty. In Stage 2, following a violation of the Stage 1 treatment plan, a player can be suspended without pay during the active phase of treatment and then become eligible for reinstatement.

Stage 3, following a violation of the Stage 2 treatment plan, carries a suspension without pay for at least six months after which a player can become eligible for reinstatement. Stage 4, following a violation of the Stage 3 treatment plan, carries a suspension of at least one year, and reinstatement is not assured.”

Sounds like a failed drug test to me, but what do I know? They won’t tell us anything. What I can say is that for the second year in a row during the playoffs, the big man has made some questionable choices and abandoned his team when it mattered most. Every Avs fan should want the best for him as a person, first and foremost, and I certainly do too. But I also want him to be a man and make better decisions for himself and the team. I can hold both of those thoughts in my head at the same time, you can too.

As for the game itself, the boys were playing like their top goal scorer had just been suspended; outshot 16-2 in the first period by the Stars, with the not-yet 21-year-old Wyatt Johnston scoring the first two goals, which ultimately was all Dallas needed to put away the lifeless Avalanche. Thank goodness for Casey Middlestadt, at least robbing Jake Oettinger of a shutout in the second period. What a consolation prize.

They return to Dallas tomorrow night for Game 5, but from what we’ve seen from them at home over the last two games, it’ll take a miracle for them to pull this series out. Has anyone checked on Gabe Landeskog lately? Maybe he’s finally ready to lace them up…

Meanwhile, in the NBA…

Take it from me; it’s not easy being a Nuggets fan in Minnesota right now. Rather than holding hands as brothers to boost up the winning team, whoever it may be to ultimately achieve the big-picture goal of destroying the Boston Celtics, we are trying to rip each other’s throats out on X (née Twitter). There’s never been more excitement over heat packs from cold-weather residents as there is right now; massive Amazon orders are going out to houses all across Minnesota to ensure that Jamal Murray receives no more deadly weapons for the remainder of the playoffs. The man is a menace, and must be stopped!

Fortunately, I’m a fair-weather NBA fan due to its parallel path with the hockey season, a shield I will continue to hide behind until this series is over and I can quit watching basketball for the year if the Nuggets lose. With the Avalanche about to get bounced out of the playoffs, I’ll take as much emotional hedging as I can get.

Also, the Rockies just swept the defending World Series Champs because of course they did, proving once again that Jon Gray can pitch six great innings at Coors and get skunked by his run support. Some things never change. That’s a kind of comfort, I suppose.